On being frustrated and feeling lucky

Plus another free printable!

I’m knitting curtains for a couple sets of windows in our home. Specifically because I want bright, colorful, fun curtains…but also because the house is really old and the window sizes are funky. They also already have curtain rods that probably won’t withstand the weight of normal curtain material. I’m hoping this will work. Honestly, it just feels good to knit something.

I’m in this awkward place in my fiber arts practice where I like to keep things minimal, as in nothing too flashy, and it needs to be portable, as in I have kids and I need an easy outside project. I also have a huge backlog of books/podcasts to listen to, so this seems like the perfect way to pair up two of my favorite past times. I recently crocheted a shirt for myself. I’m happy with how it turned out, although it’s just a little tight. I’m one of those chaos people who don’t gauge swatch before a project. I also don’t like to follow patterns. I just do the project, fantasize about how great it will be, then get frustrated and give it up. Eventually I will return and work it out. It’s not a great process but it keeps me creating.

My body pain and sinus pressure have been working overtime this week. Yesterday I was completely laid out with a pressure headache. Granted, the area we live was in a tornado watch…it still made the whole day difficult. It also reminded me that I don’t handle being in pain well at all. I did opt for the epidural for my pregnancies. I’ve been known to reach for ibuprofen at the slightest hint of a headache. I am happy that my life allows me the space to take a day on the couch when I need it. I am even happier that my rebound time allows me to get right back into taking care of the house and the family as soon as possible. These headaches, exacerbated by the pain in my neck, seem to be increasing in frequency. In my state of awareness now, I will work to breathe and take care of my body knowing that this was probably not the last one.

Even though I wish it was the last one.

I’m trying to focus more on my writing practice as well. This newsletter has become a fantastic touchstone for that in my life. I am also nearly 500 days into writing morning pages. It’s my goal to get started on the rest of The Artist’s Way I just…haven’t yet. I have incorporated affirmations, but it’s the artist date that trips me up…every week! I’ve been working loyally in my composition notebook and enjoying throwing whatever I want into it. No rules. It makes for a very low effort, messy, fun journal. I also include my writing exercises from the Writing Down the Bones deck.

I am also still filling my last insert for my travelers notebook. I feel a pull to downsize. My body wants more space around it. My office, recently moved upstairs, is still overflowing with chaos. The mess is mine…and it’s taking so much willpower to work through it. What it really comes down to is going out and buying things for myself when I do have time to myself because I want to “treat myself.” But then I just have more stuff, and I spent time shopping instead of doing what I like to do. I have some thrifted fabric I have been wanting to patch together and start slow stitching. But instead of doing that I’ve bought more art supplies! I’m trying to make sense of it.

Our dishwasher went out two weeks ago. And by went out, I mean I snapped an irreplaceable piece off of it. After some frantic research, and trying to learn the ins and outs of caring for a dishwasher I finally said screw it and decided to wash all the dishes by hand. I know I have written about dishwashing here before but honestly, that and laundry kick my butt on a daily basis. I’ve decided instead of getting a new dishwasher eventually we would update the kitchen with a large farmers sink eventually.

The price of dishwashers is a huge investment, and they don’t really seem worth the trouble. The upkeep…the amount of money for dishwasher tabs and cleaners…it was all a bit too much for my ADHD brain to handle. Then I began reading about whether or not these tabs were eco-friendly or not. I used to use powder in a couple of our previous dishwashers, which I can tell you didn’t work well in getting anything clean. I had taken apart our current dishwasher previously to find that the previous owner had never cleaned out the filter. It was horrendous. I decided enough is enough. It all felt like a huge scam. So now my countertop is filled with dirty dishes. I have to make the time to clean them to do other things like cook dinner and what not. But it’s my mess (and the whole family), and I’m not even mad about it.

I find that I do this a lot. When things become overwhelming, going back to the basics and doing things hands on is what helps me to get back in touch with that part of me that knows I can handle it all. A few years ago, we rented a home that had no dishwasher when my kids were younger and everything was much more hands on. I was also earlier in my spiritual journey. Let’s just say, I didn’t handle the transition well as it ate up so much time. I would avoid it, fight against it, dread it.

There is still a certain amount of resistance, but I’m able to get back to work faster. I breathe through it. I contemplate in prayer. I’m grateful. There was a period of time where I would have hated to be in this town living what others may call a “small life.” I think in a lot of ways I am still working through that. The full circle moment for me was when we moved to a small town, much like the town I grew up in (and not too far away in fact) and it’s the most comfortable I had been in my skin since I was 10 years old. I realize this life is, in fact, small in all of the best ways. I will keep reminding myself of this, even when the long, lonely stretches of time get to me. Because there was a time in my life where my future was uncertain. But I’m here.

I’m here.

I’m lucky.

I’m grateful.

Until next time,

Rikki (keep scrolling for an April printable, featuring Saint Michael the Archangel)

April Printable

2.35MB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

Thank you for reading! Please considering subscribing, either as a free reader or paid. I want to offer my gratitude for you visiting my little corner of the internet. I genuinely appreciate any restacks, shares, likes and comments. I hope what you found here was nourishing and engaging.

Join Art for a Spell

Shop

YouTube

Instagram