Today I am 36
On feeling the expansion
My birthday feels like I should recognize the fact that I am still alive when I didn’t ever think I’d make it this far. It feels like celebration enough to know that, even though it’s messy and hard and painful. I am deeply involved in this life thing. I still look at myself and think of all the growing, healing, transforming that needs to happen. I try to hold space for time that isn’t for constant improvement. I try to make space just to *be.* I still feel uncomfortable in my skin. It is difficult to be perceived, especially in a vulnerable way. Another thread within me whispers to share…share…share…so I try to find balance between. I encourage myself to hold more than one truth at once. It’s not easy. I send love to the 18-year-old Me who thought of the universe in a strict binary way, without leaving room for all of the messy middle. There’s still so much to learn. Thanks for journeying with me.
A journaling prompt I am sitting with today is asking what I want to continue learning in this next year of my life. It helps me to align with what my intention is for my life, especially as that is always evolving. I’m currently trying to let go of this need to find my “calling” or “vocation” and instead focus on caring for myself, my home and those around me. I’m still struggling with this most recent bout of depression. Most days there is a heavy sadness that pulls on my arms, hunches my shoulders. I’m hoping to learn to step away from social media more in this coming year, and do things just for me.
I started the 21 day project, hosted by
, as a more accessible way of creating a container of work — 100 days seems like an insurmountable mountain. I’ve proven to myself I can do anything for 21 days.Over the weekend, Saturday specifically, I wasn’t able to create for this specific project. That’s it, another failed project. The inner monologue started. But by Sunday, when I was feeling shame and regret, I decided to say screw it. I made two collage cards that day. Now I have 8 cards and a renewed fire for collage. I spend everyday fighting this voice within me saying that all this creating is pointless. It’s not pointless. I am here, I made these things I can hold in my hands and it is time I spent tapped into the Divine. The making is the point. Sharing and connecting is the point. Playing is the point. Not having a point is the point.
I like to play with paper and make fun shapes. I enjoy stitching and creating messy art. I am a lot more comfortable with this now than I was a year ago. I will use this time to continue growing, connecting and serving.
I’d love if all of you would go make some art today. Make it bad, make it messy, make it just for the fun of it. The feeling of supplies in your hands as you go about the process of making is the best tether to this realm that I know.
Until next time,
Rikki aka Moth
I have PDF only Tarot readings currently available with affirmations and journaling prompts included. These can be purchased here. If you want a personalized oracle art reading mailed to you, I have FOUR spots available for that as well. More will open back up once I complete current orders, however they will be at the higher rate of $55. A lot of labor and love goes into these readings to create a full-bodied and easily integrated experience. It is my hope that we can connect with one of these readings. Those can be purchased here. Art, stickers, and zines are available for purchase in my shop. I now offer personalized zine readings here.
I hope that you all enjoyed this peek into my Iridescent Explorations quest! I would love to hear more about your journey! Share in the comments, or please share on IG! Please considering subscribing, either as a free reader or paid. I want to offer my gratitude for you visiting my little corner of the internet. I genuinely appreciate any restacks, shares, likes and comments. I hope what you found here was nourishing and engaging.
If you are interested in working through the Temple Guardians prompts, the original post can be found here. The side quests can be found here along with some free printables!
A wonderful selection of collage pieces for the 21 days. They feel inviting and, for the most part, calm within the noise. I like how they look together. 💚
Happy birthday 🎂. I love your 21 day project and so glad you moved through what that voice was saying!