Flow state opens the heart
January is often an up-and-down rollercoaster of emotions for me as we deal with the surge of productive goal setting at the beginning of the month, the slow way down, then start to get the itch for spring, then deal with a deep freeze (which is supposedly imminent), and move around my house with the urge to do things but no will to sit down and actually do something.
I don’t handle winter well. I am getting better. As my kids get older, and I am able to balance my life more, it is easier to shake off the stagnant energy in these colder months. This year in particular, my movement practice has so much to offer me in this regard. I have been showing up to my yoga mat *almost* daily in an attempt to keep my body loose and open. I have been dancing and playing more with my kids. Weather permitting (we’re in Illinois, so this isn’t too difficult) I walk to our tiny post office. Ultimately, things are good.
I posted a public declaration on Instagram for zine trades. Well, trades for everything in my shop really. Also, ephemera trades. Really, it’s another tether to the outside world. Errands like leaving for my son’s dentist appointment yesterday nearly depleted me of all of my energy, but walking in the cold to drop zines in the mail and check my PO Box feeds my soul the hope it needs.
This afternoon I felt as though an Oracle art reading would help me to engage with collage. I felt a bit disconnected after a particularly rough day yesterday.
While I did a couple of collages in the morning, by the evening I was so exhausting by running around that I never returned to my journal for day 10 of my project. I knew I wanted to continue, especially since I had already abandoned my watercolor project. So, I completed it this morning before working on day 11. Inspiration abounds everywhere. Online, in nature, in this little town I walk through. I often feel an overflow of energy early in the day, but feel pulled towards so much.
I think this can be good. It’s good to stretch our creative interests. I joined the Get Messy Art Journal community recently, and am currently immersed in an inner child course. I am working on my first slow stitch project. So much abundance. I don’t want to forget how I opened my heart in the first place, however.
The Inner Critic within likes to whisper to me when I see all the fun projects others are working on. I feel pulled in a thousand directions. It makes it easy to forget how easily I can slip into a flow state while I rip, cut, glue. My brain fights against this tension. I want to pledge myself to one thing. I want to fall into the rabbit hole of hyperfixation.
But I intend to remain grateful and present in my life. I send the kids off to school. I watercolor paint. I write morning pages. Then it’s breakfast and coffee time. A bit of collage. On to note taking and annotation. Maybe some writing. A daily walk (or drive) to the post office. Then preparing for lunch. Eating, family duties, quiet time. I sit at my desk for a while to work. I try to keep the doom scrolling to a minimum. I play some Candyland. I watch the news. I despair. Then I journal about it. I pull some cards. It’s a routine that allows my Spirit to take the shape it needs at a given moment without overcommitting to anything. It’s never the same.
All of these activities are grounded in my creative practice. I go into the world with an open heart to take in all that I see. I keep an open heart because I am grateful to have made it this far and to have fought against the mask of apathy I wore for so long. It hurts a hell of a lot more, but it’s better than self-medicating throughout the rest of my life. As far as I can tell, that’s the previous plan I came up with. I’ve been unraveling and wringing myself out ever since. Each day a little more expansion, a little more softness.
Prompts
What do you see in the collage above? What does it represent to you? How does it reflect the meaning of the cards?
How do you stay present and grateful in your life? What practice is a constant for you?
What does abundance look like? How can we remain soft during times of abundance, but also through hardship? What does that look like?
What have you done recently that you’re proud of?
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